1. When it gets really cold out or when I've just managed to find that optimal position on the couch, I sometimes kind of wish you could take yourself out. Is that wrong? If only you had thumbs.
2. What does your dog food taste like anyway? I've been a split second away from taking a bite of one of your treats just to know! I gotta know, man!
3. Coming to the realization that you've passed me in age and are actually now my elder, I'm wondering: Shouldn’t you be paying rent?
4. Look at you. You always sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep. I'm not at all jealous.
5. If reincarnation turns out to be a thing, I want to come back as you. You've got it MADE.
6. No. You're not sleeping in my bed. That's my space. Humans only. Fine, just tonight. Please never leave me.
7. What? You don't want to listen to me today? Who feeds you? WHO FEEDS YOU?
8. What would you do if someone broke in? I bet you'd be nicer to them than me. All kisses and tail wags, right? Comforting.
9. No, there isn't someone there. It was probably the wind, the heat, or your imagination. We sincerely thank you for scaring the pants off us with your bark alarm, though.
10. How will I possibly live without you one day? Why can’t you just live forever? You deserve it. But nothing that good can be on earth so long.
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