Bernie Speaks

I’ve had such a busy month flushing birds and chasing squirrels that I almost forgot to write my column. Good thing I ran into Julep last week as she suggested I share her favorite dog jokes with my readers. She even gave me some material of her own. I ran the jokes past Lily and she just hopes I’ll be allowed to keep publishing! Read these and you’ll be howling.

Q: Who is a dog’s favorite comedian?
A: Growlcho Marx!

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a 747?
A: A jet setter!

Q: Where do Eskimos train their dogs?
A: In the mush room!

Q: What is a dog's favorite food?
A: Anything that is on their plate!
[Author’s note: This is NOT a joke!]

Q: Where do young dogs sleep when they camp out?
A: In pup tents.

Q: Which side of a dog has the most hair?
A: The out side.

Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
A: Its bark was much worse than its bite!

Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?
A: That hit the spots!

Q: What do you get if you cross a Beatle with an Australian wild dog?
A: Dingo Starr.

Q: What bone will a dog never eat?
A: A trombone.

Q: What is a dog’s favorite city?
A: New Yorkie!

And here's Julep’s top ten mixed breeds:

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso - a dog that folds up for easy transport.

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter - a traditional Christmas pet.

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso - an abstract dog.

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer - a dog fresh and clean as a whistle.

Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye - a dog for visionaries.

Chihuahua + Whippet = Chiapet - order from TV ad, 3 for $19.95.

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound – the breed for financial advisors.

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere - a dog that's true to the end.

Pekingese + Dachshund = Peking Dach - owned by Chinese restaurateurs.

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point - owned by . . . well, it doesn’t matter.

Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu = well, you can probably guess this one!

Your pal,