Staring into my dog’s soft brown eyes, there are times when it really isn’t altogether tough for me to figure out what she is thinking about: ball, food, walk, missed you. Then there are other times when I see her immediately run up to another dog and wonder what she’s thinking. Is she telling the other dog "hi"? Is she asking the other dog to play? When Jez stares at the blonde woman Jez is convinced she knows, does she actually know her, and I don’t know about this? Who are her friends? Here’s some of what I think dogs say to one another.
On Doggy Daycare:
Dog (to owner): “I love it here, but can’t you stay here with me? Please, just for today—oh, bestie, wait up!"
Dog One: Can you believe my person will only give me a few treats a day?
Dog Two: Dude, I snagged a treat off the counter the other day. And boy the look on my person's face when she found out. Let's just say she was not happy.
Dog One: The struggle, man.
Dog Park Playtime:
Dog One: Look at the people sitting over there talking.
Dog Two: Wanna make them freak out?
Dog One: Go on . . .
Dog Two: OK, you stand there . . . (growling and snapping ensues)
Dog One (snapping back): This is fun! They’re freaking out!
Dog Two: And break in, three, two, one!!!
In the Rain:
Dog (to owner): “You have GOT to be kidding me.” The look says it.
Hiding the Bone:
Dog: OooooKkkkk, found a good spot over here in this corner, no one will every think to look here.
. . . Two days later
Dog: What happened to my bone? How could the people have found it?! Must be the cat’s handiwork.
Being Forced to Sit on Leash . . . Anywhere:
Dog One: What’d you do?
Dog Two: They say I took the chicken off the counter.
Dog One: Did you?
Dog Two: I plead the fifth.
When You Leave to Get the Mail:
Dog One: Are we going for a wa—wait, you forgot us. Are they coming back? What’s going on? Are they on the other side of the door?
Dog Two: Where’d they go? I can’t breathe! I’m starting to panic!
Dog One: What will happen to us? Who will feed us?
Dog Two: It might be best to lie next to the door, so we’ll be sure they see us if they come back.
Dog One: Great plan.
*Lies down, owner hits dogs coming back in*
Dog Two: YESSSS! You’re back! I missed you sooooo much!
Dog One: ME TOOOOO! I thought we were gonna die!
Dog Two: Oh, you got the mail? I always forget about that.
Dog One: I wasn’t worried. Two was worried, but I knew they’d be back.
On Watching TV:
Dog One: I think there’s another dog in the house.
Dog Two: Why do you think that?
Dog One: Well, last night while I was sleeping I heard a bunch of dogs barking. When I woke up they were gone!
Dog Two: Did you ever find them?
Dog One: No! And no one seemed upset about it; they just kept staring at that weird box.
Dog Two: Peculiar.
Dog One: That’s not all. So, I lay down to go back to sleep, and I heard them again! I woke up and barked! And then they all started telling me to be quiet. Why can the other dogs bark, but I can’t? Why can’t I find them?
Dog Two: This is a mystery.
On Seeing Familiar People:
Dog One: I saw that lady again today.
Dog Two: Which one?
Dog One: Oh, you know, the dogless one who always pets me.
Dog Two: How’d you feel about that?
Dog One: I think I’d miss her even if I never met her.
Dog One: I’m sooooo relaxed today.
Dog Two: Why?
Dog One: it was Belly Rub Day!
Dog Two: WHAT?! Belly Rub Day?! How did I miss this?
Dog One: I dunno, but it was spectacular.
Dog Two: I gotta go lie on my back wiggling. They fall for it every time. “Who wants a belly rub?” Duh, me, it’s Belly Rub Day. Get on my level.
On Going to Vet:
Dog One: Did you hear what happened to Tony?
Dog Two: No, tell me.
Dog One: They took him to the . . . he who can’t be named.
Dog Two: Voldemort? WE LIVE IN "HARRY POTTER"?
Dog One: Did they switch you to adult food too early in life? No. The . . . vet . . . they took Tony to the vet.
Dog Two: Oh, gotta say I’m pretty disappointed to find out we don’t live in "Harry Potter." What’d they take him to the vet for?
Dog One: I dunno, but I do know it was surgery and he won’t be here for several weeks.
Dog Two: Oh, no. Do you think it was . . . ?
Dog One: Yes, I do.
Dog Two: The inhumanity.